Learning how to manage and respond to internal conflict is one of the great powers inherent in improving self confidence and self esteem. One thing we can be sure about is that conflict is a natural part of life, a continual ebb and flow!
Remaining in a state of internal conflict is not good for your health and well being, neither is it good for your confidence or self esteem! So learning how to resolve conflict earlier rather than allowing it to intensify and grow is one of the most helpful things you can do to improve your life, and maintain a sense of personal power which underpins self esteem and self confidence!
Internal conflict reflects some sort of dilemma you find yourself in and usually relates to one of the following areas:
Making an important decision (sometimes even just making trivial decisions!)
Guilt and what you are or are not doing and what you know you “should “ be doing or not doing ( exercise, stop smoking, spend quality time with your children, stop putting things off).
Feeling torn between what you want and what you believe you ‘have’ to do – many people feel this way about their work or relationships, unhappy but feeling locked in and powerless to change it.
Being true to yourself versus pleasing others
Conflict between needs and wants
Decision making is one of the ultimate personal power skills and in many ways is the one key process which can resolve internal conflict and dilemmas.
The critical skill within decision making is the skill of asking questions! I just love the power of questions! Sometimes just asking the right question can resolve the dilemma instantly! No matter what the conflict or decision may be, the decision tends to make itself once you have sufficient information. This means gathering sufficient information about the issue and sufficient information about yourself. Self awareness is one of the foundations of personal power, and of course self esteem and self confidence.
The first step to resolving internal conflict and dilemmas is to gather information.
Begin by clarifying all the aspects on paper. Thoroughly explore the following points.
Look at what is most important to you (your values)
Clarify exactly what you do want
Prioritize what you most want (what is most important, most valued) Clarify and be specific about all your possible choices in the situation Identify any possible regrets that may follow any choice made in the situation Identify what is stopping you or what is in the way from having what you want
Identify what is stopping you or what is in the way of making a decision.
What beliefs and assumptions are you holding about this issue?
What are your fears and concerns in the situation and what effect do these have on you?
Answering the question “what would it take?” – for example “what would it take to make this decision?” or “what would it take to resolve this dilemma?” – allows you to focus on clearing the way.
This question sets you on the path of creating the right and necessary conditions for resolving the dilemma or confidently making the decision.
Asking “what would it take” can open up territory to explore in the mind, the heart or in your environment. For instance, do you need to trust yourself to make the right decision? What might you need to believe or stop believing? What fears are having an influence? In what ways do these fears influence you? What emotional states are you seeking to experience or avoid! What information do you need, where can you get it, who can help?
If you want to learn the art of improving self confidence then learning how to lessen and resolve internal conflict is one of the best things you can do for yourself!